Daughter of a Punk Chapter 2

 CHAPTER TWO

           CONTENT WARNING: ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, PANIC ATTACKS.

Josie woke up just as quickly as she had fallen asleep. Her eyes fluttered open, the sunlight shining in through her pink star patterned curtains. Josie turned over and grabbed her phone that was laying on her wooden nightstand and clicked the ‘home’ button, checking the time. 8:00 a.m. Better start getting ready. The memorial service wouldn’t be until 11:00, but Josie’s mother wanted to arrive early to make sure everything was ‘perfect’.

This event was big for her mom. While Josie was dreading it, her mom almost seemed to be looking forward to it. “It’s a way to celebrate his life.” Her mom would say, but Josie didn’t view it that way. No, she viewed in in a different way.

People would be coming. So, so many people that Josie didn’t know of, all from different parts of her dad’s life. The way she viewed it, it was a confirmation. A confirmation, an acknowledgement from nearly everyone that Marcus Miller was dead and that he would stay that way. It was unbearable.

But, it was also something that Josie’s mother wanted and if it made her happy Josie would (begrudgingly) go along with it. Josie loved her mother like crazy, and hated seeing her look so downtrodden and defeated. So maybe, just maybe, after this memorial her mom would go back to being her normal, cheerful self.

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“Here we are.” Josie’s mom parked the car in the parking lot for the Botanical Gardens, which was where the service was being held. The two of them sat there for a moment in silence, looking at the sidewalk path leading up to the main building, a building made out of white and grey stones with stained glass windows.

“You know, it’s oddly fitting for dad’s memorial service to held at a former church.” Josie finally broke the silence.

Her mother shrugged. “I guess. He would certainly get a hoot out of it. I wish it wasn’t so cloudy out, though.” Her mother sighed. Josie didn’t say it, but she thought that that was oddly fitting as well.

Josie’s mother took in a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. “All right, let’s go.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and Josie followed her lead. When they got out of the car, Josie’s mother smiled at her. “You know, the last few weeks have been beyond rough for me. But just having you here has made it a bit easier for me to wake up in the morning.” She walked over to Josie, hugging her. “I love you so much.”

Josie leaned into her mother’s warmth, inhaling the familiar scent of coconuts from the shampoo. She placed her arms around her mother’s back, and even though they were the same height Josie almost felt like she was a small child again. She wished she could tell her mom that she felt the same. That she had a hard time waking up in the morning as well, that every day was a waking hell for her. But it just simply wasn’t true. The truth of the matter was that Josie would wake up every day as usual at 7:15 a.m., take a shower before most of the girls in her dorm woke up, then got dressed for the day and spent it amongst friends and peers, fooling around when she could and acting as the perfect role model for her peers when it was time for classes. No one but her room mate Becca knew, there was just no way for Josie to tell anyone else, because she knew she wouldn’t be viewed the same ever again. She would be known as the girl without a father, alienated and left all alone.

And so all Josie could do was muster up a sentence. “Yeah, mom. I’m really glad I’m here too.” 

Josie felt her mom let go of her, “No matter what happens in there, we’ll be doing it together. Now, you go on inside. I’ve got the posterboard.” Josie’s mother gave her a pat on the back. She had made a large poster board of Josie’s father to put on display for their guests and insisted on the finished result being a surprise.

“Are you sure you don’t need help carrying it, Mom? It… It looks big.” Josie could recall seeing her mom put it in the back trunk, a huge blanket hanging over it. The thing was the size of at least two of those massive three-sided poster boards you’d often see at school science fairs or something akin to that. 

Josie’s mom gave her a waving gesture with her hand, walking towards the back of the car, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it! Besides, I didn’t see you eat today. The caterers are setting things up right now, go in and fix yourself a plate before anyone else arrives!” Josie rolled her eyes at her mother’s stubbornness and turned forward, walking down the path. It was decorated with wildflowers of all colors- purple, red, yellow and so on. Josie had to give to her mother and Rob, they certainly picked the perfect place to hold a memorial for a person whose favorite past time was gardening.

She reached the door, heavy, old, and wooden. The stained glass was designed as a red rose blossoming and a pink heart ascending from it. Josie didn’t know why, but it pissed her off. She opened the heavy door and walked inside. There were a few people in there setting things up. Rows of circular tables were scattered about, all surrounding a wooden podium in the middle of the room. The decorations were bright and colorful, a combination of the colors green, blue and yellow- Marcus Miller’s favorite colors. If Josie didn’t know any better, she would think that this was all for a wedding rather than a memorial service.

Right across from the entrance where Josie stood was a tall, broad figure with a familiar head of curly blonde hair. The figure turned around, “Don’t worry Christy, I’ve got— Oh!” His blue eyes widened.

Josie gave a weak wave, “Hi Rob— gah!” The giant of a man ran straight towards her, giving Josie a bear hug, nearly lifting the girl off the ground. 

“Jooosiieee!” Rob exclaimed loudly, boisterously. His voice was so loud that it shocked a few of the people who were setting up the buffet. “God, sweetheart! I think the last time I saw you was last summer? How are you holding up?” He let Josie out of his embrace but still had a hold on her shoulders, his face holding a concerned expression.

“Yeah, it’s great to see you too, Rob. I’ve been ok. Uhm, where’s Benji?” Josie noticed that he wasn’t among the small group of people.

“Benj? He went to the bathroom a while ago. There was a slight pause and Rob let out a heavy sigh. “You know, the two of us are really gutted. Marc really helped him out a few years back and well… I’ve known the guy since first grade.” Rob let out a bitter laugh, giving Josie a sad smile, his eyes teary. “Yanno, it’s funny… I always thought you took after Christy more than your dad, but looking at you now, I can’t help but see him in you.” Suddenly and without warning, Rob gave her a bear hug again although this time she was buried against his chest, barely able to breathe. “I think it’s the lips. You both have such unnaturally small mouths…”

Well, this is great. Looks like I might just die from suffocation at my own dad’s memorial. What a way to go out. 

“Rob?!” Josie heard the sound of her mom’s shocked voice. Instantly she was released and Josie turned to her mother who was looking at the large man. Rob smiled, his arms wide, his face showing no signs of the grief that was on there before. “Christy!” He exclaimed, then looked down at the huge covered poster board that was covering Josie's mother’s - Christy’s- petite figure.. “Wow, you actually made it!” He looked impressed. 

“Mhm. Rob, why are you here? The service doesn’t start for another forty-five minutes!” Josie’s mom handed the poster board over to her, who was unsure of where to put it.

Rob crossed his arms and shook his head. “What, and just let you two deal with this all by yourselves? No way, Christy! I was 100 percent serious when I said we were going to face this together! Now you and Josie sit and relax. It’s going to be a hard next few hours.” Rob motioned to Josie to give him the poster board, when Josie’s mom walked between the two of them. Let me give the guy the damn poster board mother!

“Exactly! Together! I’m fine, Rob. Please just let me—” Her mom paused, taking a quick look at him and her face scrunched up in disgust. “Robert,” She gritted through her teeth. Uh-oh.

“Christine,” Rob returned in an even tone.

Christy pointed at his shirt, which Josie just realized she didn’t pay any attention to, between the hugs and trying not to suffocate from said hugs. “What is that.” Her mother continued, the disgust in her tone matching the disgust in her face.

Josie gave Rob’s outfit another look. She had noticed the egregious sin of baggy khaki shorts worn with pure white tube socks and brown sandals, but didn’t even notice the pattern on his obnoxiously loud orange button-up. There was a splatter of teal palm trees and large red hibiscus flowers covering the shirt along with some bright yellow surfboards. 

All Josie could think was Dad would love that. And giggled to herself.

Rob grabbed his collar, quirking his eyebrow. “What, this ole thing? I’m pretty sure I’ve worn it around ya before—”

“But. Why. Here.” Josie’s mother hissed the words out at him.

He blinked. “Well, you said to wear whatever makes us happy. So I—” 

“So you just wore something that you knew would just drive me crazy?” Josie’s mother sighed. 

Rob’s small smile stretched into his large goofy one. “A-ha! That’s right, Christy!” Seeing Rob act so carefree made Josie smile a small one. Her mother had met the duo in college and despite the three being peas in a pod, Rob and Josie’s dad loved to annoy her. One of their favorite past times together was wearing tacky clothing and costumes just to embarrass each other’s families. “It’s not that bad, mom.” She interceded before it delved into an actual argument and not just playful banter. She looked up at Rob, giving him a gentle smile, “I think it’s great that you’re wearing something like that. Dad would love it.” 

Rob placed his hand over his heart in a dramatic fashion. “Josie, thank you! Gosh even after all these years, you’re still the biggest sweetheart. Here, let me take this for ya.” Rob walked over and took the blanket cardboard from her. 

Josie’s body relaxed, her arms tired from holding it up for so long. She walked over to stand next to her mom, who was still giving Rob the evil eye. In return, Josie gave her mom the evil eye. The other woman sighed, “I really am beyond grateful for Rob these past few weeks. Really. It’s just… he vexes me.”

Josie snorted, “Don’t worry. In another half hour or so, the two of you will be huddled together, sobbing.” 

Christy turned to Josie, a playful glint in her eyes and a smirk. “Oh yeah? You want to bet on it?”

Josie looked over to her mom, a smirk appearing on her face. “Hell yes. Ten dollars, take it or leave it.”

“Heh. You’ve got a deal. Let’s shake on it.”

Josie gave her mom a panicked look. “No, wait. Let’s change that to five dollars.” 

Christy laughed hard, grabbing her sides, “It’s too late for that, Josie!”

“Girls, is this fine?” Rob yelled at them, the poster board on a previously empty table next to the podium, facing the other tables. 

Christy clapped her hands together, “Yes! Thank you, Rob. Come here Josie, I’ve got photos on here you’ve never even seen before!” Christy grabbed a hold of Josie’s hand, pulling the girl with her.

For the first time since had passed, Josie was staring into Marcus Miller’s eyes. Or rather, it was the eyes of his infant self. He looked around a year old and was being held by his mother, (and Josie’s namesake) Josephine at a picnic. Despite being held, baby Marcus was trying to crawl towards the camera. His faded blue eyes full of curiosity and life.

The poster board somehow got larger. It was so strange. Even though Josie was his daughter, and was an integral part of her life, she couldn’t help but feel like a small blip in it, looking at the many pictures that were supposed to represent the man’s fifty-one years of living. 

Josie’s eyes travelled across the glossy pictures, recognizing some but not others. There were pictures of her parents' wedding from down at the courthouse, the two both wearing elegant suits with subdued yet happy smiles. There were other images of her father and Rob from throughout the decades, photos of her dad with several unrecognizable people, and a whole of her father with spiked hair at concerts and with her mom at concerts from when they were college students. 

Josie’s eyes then landed on a photo of her and her father from when she was just a tiny kid. They were in the back garden, in front of her father’s beloved rose bushes. Josie was giving the camera a toothy smile, wearing a pink baseball cap and a pink polka dot t-shirt and shorts. She was holding a red and yellow colored shovel. Her father was in the background, wearing an old band shirt and a serious, focused expression on his face; holding one of the roses in one hand and a pair of gardening scissors in the other. Those roses were the babies of Josie’s father just as much as she was his own daughter. For nearly her entire life, Josie’s dad would spend his free afternoons in the spring and summer outside, gardening.

Josie remembered afternoons like those as if they were yesterday. Up until the age of five, Christy would make Josie take afternoon naps during the days she wasn’t in school. At around the age of four or so, Josie started thinking for herself and decided those naps were stupid and unnecessary, so she would start sneaking out back to help her dad out. Josie remembered sneaking out on her tippy toes in the kitchen, doing her best to be as quiet as a mouse so as to not break her mother’s focus from her melodramatic soap operas. (That is if her mom wasn’t taking a little afternoon nap herself.)

Once Josie would escape through the back door, she would find her father crouching down near the bushes, pulling out any of the weeds that would dare attempt to ruin the roses’ beauty. Little Josie would then take the chance to sneak up from behind him. “Boo!” She would yell into his ears. Her father would always let out a small yelp, before turning around with his hand over his heart, his eyes wide. “Geezus, Josie! You scared the heck outta me!” Josie would always go into a fit of laughter over it, “What are you doing here anyway? You should be napping!”

Josie would pout, crossing her arms. “Naps are for babies and bad guys!”

Her father would look at her as if she was a sort of alien. “I have no idea how you come up with this stuff.” He would then shrug, “Well might as well put you to work. Go and dig a hole over there.” He would point to a random spot, and Josie would go pick up her shovel from his gardening shack and excitedly dig as many holes as he wanted her to. Thinking back on it, Josie’s dad probably just had her dig holes just so she would feel helpful and good about herself. After all, the holes were always gone by the next day.

“Josie.” Josie felt a hand touch her shoulder and yelped. “Gah!” She snapped back from her reminiscing, jumping at the sudden touch. She turned around, to see a man with olive skin and ash-blonde hair that was styled as an undercut, the one side with hair was curly. The man was also wearing all black, despite Josie’s mom requesting that everyone wear ‘happy’ colors. The man had a concerned and shocked look on his face, yet Josie could also catch a hint of amusement in his deep brown eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Josie shook her head. “No, it’s ok. I got in late last night and things have been a little tough lately.” There was an awkward silence between the two for a moment, then Josie cleared her throat. “So, uh… you’re a little early. But you can go ahead and grab a seat. The catering team just set up the buffet too, so go ahead and dig in.” She gave the man an awkward smile, thinking she didn’t know the guy. 

The man looked at her as if she was crazy. “What? Josie, it’s me. Benji.” 

Josie gasped. “Benji? But… you look so… different.” He acted different too. Head an air of confidence to him that was borderline cocky, in sharp contrast to his shy and meek nature he had from when they were kids.

Benji looked at Josie up and down. She suddenly found herself feeling uncomfortable by his gaze. Then he snorted, “And you look exactly the same. As pink as you’ve always been.”

Josie glanced down at her dress, which was light pink with lace flowers embroidered on it with lace sleeves. Her face’s color began to match it. “Oh yeah? Well it makes me happy. Something wrong with that?” She hated to admit it, but she sounded and felt like a child.

Benji shrugged. “Never said there was.” He looked at the poster board, in particular a photo of their fathers at a concert and gave a sort of half smile. “Huh. Never really realized how similar you and Marc look.”

Josie scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Did you and your  dad both just agree to tell me that to make me feel better?” She crossed her arms, “Well, I’ll have you know I’m doing just fine! Like yeah I’m not 100 percent right now, but I’ll be ok!” 

“Yeah, I know you will be. You were always the strongest of the two of us.” Josie’s eyes widened. Benji was right, out of the two of them he was the one who would most likely cry at the drop of a pen back when they were kids. But it was weird hearing him say that, his deep voice filled with sincerity.

What am I supposed to say to that? Josie thought, his stare once again making her feel uneasy. She had always hated making eye contact, for some reason it always hurt her eyes. Adding onto that, Beji’s stare was intense. Right now, his brown eyes seemed like a deep dark abyss that wanted to pull her in. 

“Benji!” Christy’s voice echoed throughout the big room, and the two looked to see their parents by the doors, both holding packs of refreshments. Christy dumped the pack she was holding onto Rob, who nearly lost his balance. Christy ran up to Benji, hugging the boy. “I feel like it’s been forever since I last saw you!”

Josies couldn’t help but smirk at the sight. If I had to be nearly suffocated to death with a hug from your dad, it only makes sense that my mom does the same to you!

“Yeah, sorry about that. Between working at the bakery and practice, I don’t have much free time nowadays.” He replied, Josie’s mom letting go of him. “How are ya holding up?”

Christy sighed, “Oh, you know. I’m hanging in there. We both are.” She gave a glance towards Josie. “Enough about that, though. I heard you’re teaching baking classes for kids now! That must be so exciting!” 

Benji shrugged, “S’ok.”

“Only ok? Oh Christy, you should come down sometime and see him! Benji’s an amazing teacher, the kids all love him!” Rob came over, placing his arm around his son. He gave Benji a warm smile, “I’m really so proud of him!” 

A slight blush appeared on Benji’s face. “Dad, stop!” He sounded slightly annoyed.

“Oh, ok.” Rob laughed, “We should save all the sappiness for later on.” He let go of Benji and clapped his hands together. “Leave the rest to us, ladies! Go ahead and sit before more people come in. These next couple of hours won’t be easy.”

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After much insistence from the father and son duo, Josie and her mom grabbed some sandwiches and chips from the buffet and sat down for a while, eating until the guests started filling in. Josie and her mom then stood by the entrance, greeting the people. It was a very strange experience for Josie, and she could tell it was the same for her mom. At one point, after a man identified himself as Marc’s lab partner from college, Josie leaned over and whispered, “Where did you even find all of these people?”

“I didn’t.” Her mom whispered back, an annoyed expression on her face. “It was Rob. I swear, he even invited people who your father bumped into on the street.” Josie let out a chuckle. 

Pretty soon all of the guests arrived and were seated. Once that happened, Josie and her mom sat back down at their table in front of the podium, which was shared with Benji and Rob. Before he went up on stage, Rob turned to the two women. “I just want to let you two know, don’t feel forced to go up there and speak. Everyone will understand.”

Christy nodded, giving a small smile. “Thank you, Rob. I’ll see how it goes.” She reached over, squeezing Josie’s hand. “Josie?”

Josie looked at her mother, into her caring hazel eyes. The truth was Josie was nervous and disappointed. She was disappointed because she wasn’t able to write a poem about her own father, when she had written countless poems and stories about her family before. Yet, Josie was also nervous because she didn’t want to disappoint her mother. Josie was already a disappointment to herself, how could she do the same to her own mother? So she squeezed her mother’s calloused hand back with a smile. “I’ll do it. I want to do it.” 

Rob smiled. “Alrighty then. It’s showtime.” He got up and walked behind the podium, his booming voice filling the room. “Hello! On the behalf of the Miller family, I’d like to thank you all for coming.” He cleared his throat, “I first met Marc when I was six years old. He’s actually a year older than I am, but we were in the same grade for some reason. And he was a BIG kid. And large. I think I’m not the only one here thinking that those are the two words that describe him the best.” He paused and everyone laughed. It’s true, Josie thought, He always managed to make his presence known. Even in the worse way possible. She remembered the time when her dad picked her up from a volunteer job at the community center with a guy she had liked in the seventh grade, wearing a pair of baggy firetruck red shorts and an ancient Berkley t-shirt that had holes in it near the neckline and armpits. Josie was absolutely mortified and angry at the time, but now she looked back on it and smiled. She couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how things were after a loved one passed away, that you look back on a bad memory and it transforms itself into a fond one?

Josie felt herself get elbowed, and she was snapped out of her reverie. She looked over to her mom who gave her a wistful smile and motioned to a folded up slip of paper. Josie took it, seeing a short poem typed neatly in the center of the paper. She quickly scanned over the poem, recognizing it instantly as one she had to do a paper on and memorize when she was a junior in high school. Reading over it again, she decided she didn’t like it. The prose was too flowery and hopeful. It wasn’t how Josie felt at all, in this moment. 

I guess this is what I get, for not writing anything. Josie deadpanned to herself.

Pretty soon after that, Rob finished his speech. He got choked up at the end, saying that the only bright side to Marc’s passing was that he was now up there in Heaven with his parents, Josephine and Archie. Everyone in the room started clapping for Rob, some even whistling as he ended his speech and motioned for Josie to come forward. 

Ok. Ok. This is it. Josie took a big sip out of her glass of iced water, while Rob sat back down. “That was beautiful, Rob. Thank you.” Josie’s mother sniffed.

Benji nodded, patting his father on the back. “Yeah dad, that was great. Wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be, was it?” He gave his father a tender look.

Josie got up, her chest starting to feel heavy. “You’ve got this, Josie.” Christy whispered to her. Josie nodded.

“Good luck.” Benji said, again looking deep into her soul, as if he knew Josie would rather disappear than read out a stupid poem in front of a bunch of people she hardly knew.

“Thanks.” Josie replied back, avoiding eye contact. Despite that, she could feel his eyes following her every move and it wasn’t just his eyes anymore either. No, she could feel the eyes of everyone on her, all one hundred or more pairs. They were all like vultures, analyzing Josie’s every move. Waiting for her to make some sort of mistake so they could just fly in and devour her whole. 

Josie reached the podium, her hands clamped shut around the paper’s edges. She positioned the microphone down to her level and started to speak. “H-hello. T-thank—” Stop stuttering. “— Thank you all for coming. It really means a lot to my mom and I.” She felt hot, too hot even though she was wearing a short sleeved, flared dress and her brown hair was tied up into a ponytail. She could feel the sweat sticking to her forehead. “Today I’ll be reading this poem. It’s called…” Without warning, Josie heard the name of the poem come out of her mouth but afterwards all she could hear was a buzzing sound. Bzzt, Bzzt. It was all she could hear, all she could think; even though Josie knew she was reciting the words to the poem. Somebody help me. She was able to think throughout all the buzzing. Please.

Finally, the last line of the poem was read (or buzzed). There was a thunderous applause that echoed throughout the auditorium, although to Josie it only sounded like the buzzing from before, just amped up. She nearly stumbled on the way back to her seat, finally feeling like she could breathe again as she sat back down in her seat, taking a huge swig of her water.”

“You were fantastic up there, sweetie.” The gentle cadence of Christy’s voice broke through all the buzzing. 

Josie looked up to her mother, “R-really?” Her voice was hoarse.

“Mhm.” Her mother nodded, taking the pitcher of water that was on their table and pouring Josie another glass. “Your dad would be really proud of you too.” Somehow, Josie was skeptical of that.

The rest of the service dragged on. Josie’s body quickly shut down after the poetry reading, she spent the rest of the time barely keeping her eyes open and chugging lots of water. The only exception would be when her father’s cousin,Connie, spoke about the time when Marc called her after his first date with Christy and exclaimed to for over a half hour about how incredibly smart and awesome she was and how he had fallen in love at first sight with her. That was the moment when Christy finally broke, sobbing. For some reason, it was also the moment when Rob broke down too.

“Dad, it’s ok. She wasn’t even talking about you.” Benji said in the same soothing tone he’d been using since the service began, although there was a hint of surprise in his voice.

“I know I know… It’s just, seeing Christy cry, the tears just started rolling.” Rob responded through sobs. 

The service ended a little while afterwards, with one of Josie’s dad’s work friends closing the ceremony off since both Christy and Rob were still worked up.  However, Christy insisted on seeing everyone out by the door and Josie decided to stand by her, just in case.

“Hey mom,” Josie whispered to her as one of the remaining guests waved goodbye, “Do you mind if I go to the bathroom? I’ll be right back.” 

Christy nodded, “Make it quick. Oh, Laura! Thank you for coming…” Josie walked away as a couple came up to her mom.

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Josie flushed the toilet when she heard the bathroom door open, and saw two women through the crack; a redhead and a blonde. Aren’t those mom’s friends from high school?

“Such a lovely service! Everything was so beautifully decorated. I do wish that Christine spoke, though.”  The blonde exclaimed, standing in front of the sink applying lipstick.

Josie froze. I feel like it would be too awkward if I came out now. They’re just applying makeup anyway, they’ll be gone soon. Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. 

“Aw, hush. The poor thing’s been through the ringer.” The redhead said, here voice shrill. “I’ll tell you though, that kid of hers gave me the creeps.”

Josie’s breath hitched. It was lodged in her throat and she felt a thick smaug fill her lungs, like a miasma.

“Oh, Josephine? Yeah I agree. The poem was lovely but she didn’t look sad at all. Like she doesn’t care about her dad at all.”

No. I care. I care. You have no idea. Josie screamed in her head.

The redhead shrugged. “There is definitely something wrong with her, no doubt about it. Wonder how Christy and Marc raised such a child.”

Unconsciously, Josie opened the stall door. Shit. Shit. She kept her head down, however she felt their eyes on her. She squirted out some soap and washed her hands, her body feeling like it was on fire. She then moved to walk out, but not before looking up at the very pale faces of the two women, giving them her fakest, bitchiest smile. 

“Thank you both for attending, it means a lot to my family. I hope you both enjoyed the service.” Josie said, her tone acrid. She then walked out of the bathroom, leaving the women looking after her, stunned.

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PLAYLIST

                                                             I. Before the Lobotomy - Green Day

                                                            II. Fashion Victim- Green Day  

                                       III. The Garden of Everything - Maaya Sakamoto ft. Steve Conte 

                                            IV. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day  

                                                          V. Help I'm Alive - Metric 

                                  VI. Here Comes a Thought - Estelle & AJ Michalka (BONUS TRACK)

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Hi it's me Katie the author of this story! I forgot to introduce myself in the first chapter. This story isn't over btw, it's going to be around six chapters long.

I'll post something tomorrow explaining what to expect from now on. Right now I'm literally too nervous to do that and there's a lava cake with my name on it so I'm going to tend to that. Also I included Here Comes a Thought (from Steven Universe) because this playlist is literally what I played while writing this out in my notebook and so for the scene describing Josie's memory of her and her father I kept repeating Garden of Everything and likewise kept repeating Help I'm Alive like 5x while writing the ending scene which gave me major anxiety and I needed to calm myself down and HCaT is a very comforting and soothing song and both of the singers have very lovely voices. (And yes that is AJ Michalka of Aly & AJ.) 

Ok now I will leave y'all I'm off to eat a lava cake and hopefully play DST with my friends. Good night and have a lovely week!